Sailor's Valentine
by Melchy
Summary: Valentine's Day has never been an easy time for Carolyn Muirbut not for the reasons one might think.


Sailor's Valentine by Kathy

The GAMM Character Belong to 20th Century Fox and David Gerber Productions. Anyone else belongs to me. I make no money off of anything.

Written February 2002.

Information on the history of Valentine's Day was taken from Information on the sailor's valentine was found at has a great picture of what one looks like if your curious.

Many thanks to my helpers :) It would not have been the same with out you guys--Susan G, Denise G. This is for you.

Valentine's Day. Rows and rows of white and red cards all declaring love and devotion to that one special person. Some were for mother and father or grandparents or other family members but most of them were specifically for husband or wife or someone you would like to be.

Carolyn picked up one or two, reading their sentiments with half anger and half amusement. It was a lie, one big lie that had been invented by the card companies to promote warm fuzzy feelings. She picked up a box of valentines for the children to give at their school parties. Had it really been so long ago that she had been doing the same thing--taking in her mother's famous white cupcakes with red icing and the little silver dots made in heart shapes. Mother had made those for her parties every year until 8th grade. Carolyn had tried to make them for Candy once but she was not satisfied with the way they turned out.

Martha was making both children a small heart shaped cake for their class parties. What had they done without Martha?

"That all you be needin', Mrs. Muir?" the cashier asked, breaking into her thoughts.

"Why, yes, I think this will do it." she smiled pleasantly at the young man. She thought he was one of the Post boys but wasn't sure. She gave him the amount he asked for and waited while he put the cards in a bag. On her way out of the store, she almost ran into Claymore Gregg, who had a determined look on his face.

"Getting something for your Valentine, Mrs. Muir?" he asked in greeting.

"I was just picking up some cards for the children." she explained. "They are having parties at school on Friday."

"And what about for your Valentine?" he asked with a look that made her a bit queasy. Did he really think she would see someone like him in that light?

"I don't believe in Valentine's Day." she said simply. "Good day, Claymore."

Valentine's Day, she thought grimly. When had it done anyone any good? Oh, the cards had been fun when she was a kid but the whole day was useless.

She carried her bag into the house, stopping in the kitchen first.

"Did you happen to get any food coloring?" Martha asked.

"No, I'm sorry, it slipped my mind. Do you need it tonight?"

"NO, I can get it later. I'll need it to decorate the cakes for the children."

Carolyn nodded. "I'll get you some tomorrow. I'll be upstairs if you need me."

"Working on a story?"

"Yes, and it's not going well. Maybe I'll get inspired."

"Well, good luck. Oh, by the way, a magazine came in the mail for you today. I put it on your desk. You must have a story in it?"

"Thank you, Martha. I imagine it was the article I did for Valentine's Day. I suppose I should take a look at it and see how it came out."

"Well, like I said, I put it on your desk. Of course, when I went up later to put some of your things away, it wasn't there anymore but I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation. There always seems to be."

Carolyn couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure it was still there, probably just the way the sun was shining through the doors or something."

"If you say so." Martha was not convinced. "Why did you write an article on Valentine's Day if you hate it and all?" Martha had to ask, knowing that her employer had never said a good word about the day.

"I don't hate it, I just find it to be unnecessary. But that article will pay bills just like any other. Can you make sure the children start their homework after their snack?"

"I'll see to it. Good luck."

Carolyn took the steps two at a time determined to attack her article and get it done. If she could wrap it up maybe there would be time to play a game with the children before bedtime. It seemed she hadn't had much time to spend with them lately. Maybe she could even go on that walk that the Captain insisted she needed. She hadn't had much time to spend with him either and she missed their talks together.

She opened the bedroom door to find the magazine Martha had misplaced, floating in mid-air just about Captain Gregg height.

"And suppose I were Martha instead of me?" she addressed the periodical.

"You are not suggesting that I can not tell the difference between your tread on the stairs and Martha's?" the form of Captain Greg appeared suddenly before her. "There is a slight difference."

"She smiled at his remark, trying not to think of how handsome he looked standing there before her. After eight months surely it would have gotten better by now. But she still had to work hard to hide the stammering and the loud thump of her heart when he was present. It DID seem to be less of a school-girl crush now, but was it changing to something else?"

He handed the magazine to her, a smile on his lips.

"Quite an interesting article Mrs. Muir. I had no idea that the concept of Valentine's day has been with us so long."

"I know it was longer than I thought. I remember learning about Saint Valentine in school but I don't think they told us all of the details. I did not realize, for instance, that the oldest surviving Valentine was sent in 1415."

"Just a bit before my time." the Captain gave her a smile. "I particularly like the part about the Roman custom of putting all the eligible young ladies' names in an urn and drawing them out to match them up with the young men in the city. I imagine it was a good way to get your daughter married. After they were together for a whole year, you would come to appreciate them, I would think."

"Oh, but it is just so romantic." Carolyn rolled her eyes. "Kind of sounds like an ancient dating service, if you ask me. But I'm sure it did produce more than a few marriages."

"I also found the idea of believing that birds mated on February fourteenth to be interesting. Since most birds do mate for life, it would be an appropriate day for a holiday that celebrated love." he went on.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, staring at him but not really seeing him. "Yes I suppose it is." she said, as though the pause had never happened. "I didn't put it in the article but I did read that Valentines were not mass produced in the United States until 1840."

"I remember seeing some in a stationary store in Boston." the Captain remarked. "I preferred my own way of declaring affection." he added with a chuckle.

"I'm sure that was never a problem for you." She managed a wry smile.

"I don't believe I ever gave or received a formal Valentine." he continued ignoring her comment. "I do remember attending a dance or two that were specifically for the holiday."

"I've been to a few of those myself. My first date ever was to a Valentine's Day dance," a look of fondness crossed her face at the memory. "But I just can't buy the idea of the whole day. I mean, hearts and flowers and candy and a profusion of red and white..."

"Red for passion and white for purity of love." Captain Gregg said in a low voice. "The colors are not perhaps the nicest but what they stand for are the things that make life worth living." His gaze rested on her, their eyes locking before they both turned away.

"It's just all so silly." she said, trying to stop the wild beating of her heart.

"As you say, Madam." he nodded before disappearing into the air around him.

Carolyn watched the place where he had been for several minutes before she brought herself back from her thoughts. She picked up the magazine and leafed through it, reading another article to see how the writing compared to hers.

Finally turning to her article, she got a little thrill at seeing her name in print. She couldn't help it, she always did. It amazed her to think that someone in Boston or Chicago or maybe even Los Angeles would open this magazine and see her name -- Carolyn Muir — under the title of the article.

She began to read the article, comparing it to the one she had just read. She had been particulary proud of this story and the research had taken days.

'In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the 18th century, ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct  
expression of one's feelings was discouraged.'

Why were people so afraid of expressing their true feelings? She knew she was no better than anyone else. Trying to tell someone how you really felt was one of the most difficult things that ever had to be done. It didn't help that women were discouraged from showing their true feelings to men.

Maybe that's what it was that irked her so much about Valentine's Day. It was one day a year where everyone expected you to say, I love you, I want you, you are everything to me, but the rest of the year you were just to let it go and ignore it?

The first year of her marriage, she had worked as a cashier in a local drugstore until Robert had decided he would rather do without the money then have her work. She still remembered the long lines of men looking for anything that resembled something they could use for the holiday, knowing they had to bring home something, even if it didn't say what they wanted. She had read that 85 of all Valentine's Day cards were bought by women, but after that experience, she highly doubted it. The men were fighting over who would buy the last few roses, already so wilted they needed to be thrown away.

Robert had never been one of those men. Each Valentine's Day, she had been greeted with fresh flowers, a sentimental card and dinner at a restaurant that got finer every year. The whole day had been a deluge of affection and love. And that usually ended with the day. Oh, he never led her to think he did not love her, but somehow it seemed like he had done his duty on the day he was supposed to and that was the end of it. She never could decide if she would have preferred what she received or the dead flowers that those men had fought for. Which had been given with the most affection and love?

"Martha says dinner is ready if you are." Jonathan's voice called from the out side of the door.

Carolyn opened the door and gave her son a kiss on the top of his head. "I'm ready. Let's go."

Captain Gregg carefully closed the trunk and latched it. He ran his hand over the smooth wood, priding himself on having this particular trunk made. It was deep with pockets carved into the sides and a false bottom. He had found what he was looking for in the false bottom, something he had almost forgotten he had.

It was a solid mahogany box in the shape of an octagon and when opened, it revealed a picture of a ship on the ocean with the other side a a rainbow in a blue sky. The pictures were constructed of seashells of all sizes, shapes, and colors. He looked at the pictures, his eyes resting on the sentiment inlaid under the rainbow. "Never to be forgotten."

"A Sailor's Valentine." he said aloud, closing the box and latching it shut. He remembered the day he had bought it. He was never sure why. At the time, he had no one special to give it to but he had thought it beautiful.

The myth surrounding the name Sailor's Valentine was one he found amusing. Supposedly men at sea had so much time on their hands, they spent a great deal of it engaged in making these sentiments. Actually, they were constructed by the natives of Barbados and sold to the seamen who often did take them back to wives and sweethearts.

He wondered briefly if the box, like the scrimshaw, was actually quite valuable now. He had only paid two dollars for the Sailor's Valentine. Rubbing his hand over the smooth wood, he wondered if he should indeed give it to Carolyn. That had been his intention in the beginning but the more he became aware of her dislike of Valentine's Day, the more he began to doubt that was a wise decision.

What could have possibly happened in her life that would cause her to have such ill feelings towards the day? Was it not a day very like any other day except for the exchange of cards and thoughts?

Like he had told her he had never really given the day much thought at all. A few dances labled as Valentine's Day he had been happy to attend but he usually had been happy to attend any gathering with beautiful women, dancing and food.

Sometimes he wished he could delve inside her mind and see what exactly made her the way she was. She was the most stubborn, aggravating and beautiful woman he had ever known. She was the only woman that could make his blood boil with anger and passion at the same time. How he wished that things were different. But there was no use crying over what could not be. It would only take away from what they had.

Once more opening the box, he ran a finger over the shells. He would think about giving it to her, he so wanted her to have it. Maybe he could just lay it on her desk, or on her bureau without saying anything.

"Her desk?" he asked himself aloud. Since when had it become hers? This was his ship and his things. They would never belong to anyone else despite what Claymore insisted upon. No, they were hers. She had laid claim to it all and he would give her anything her heart desired. Each prized treasure he claimed as his, was now partly hers as well. What would good would the things be without her to share them with.

Carefully he laid the Sailor's Valentine back inside the trunk, but on top where he could get at it quickly, just in case.

It was a mild winter day, the coastline was spotted with last week's snow and the sky was grey but not cloudy. It was a beautiful evening to be out and when the Captain had insisted Carolyn join him in a walk, she took him up on the offer.

"I think the teacher was out of line." he put into their earnest conversation. Candy's teacher had sent home a note explaining that Candy had refused to make her craft during art time--a Valentine Card for her mother.

Candy had tried to explain that her mother did not celebrate the holiday and she felt she should not make her a card. The teacher had said she was being obstinate.

"I don't hate Valentine's Day, I really don't. I hope that Candy knows that." Carolyn protested.

"She does, she was only thinking of you."

Carolyn shook her head, trying to think of what to say next.

"I just feel." she continued "that well, if I want to tell someone how I fell about them, I don't need any help from someone else. Especially a card that is printed by the hundreds and shipped all over the country."

She threw a stick for Scruffy, watching the little dog run after it.

"I don't hate love. I like to watch romantic movies. I get teary when I hear a beautiful love song. I get kind of upset when couples on television don't get together like they should." her eyes were flashing green like the sea around them.

"I've read a few of those romance novels and I liked them and I'm not ashamed to say it. I'm not against marriage or commitment. I've even been known to play matchmaker a time or two."

The Captain could not help but roll his eyes at that comment, a look of amusement on his face.

"Sometimes I wish I could slug you." she looked up at him teasingly. "You are such an aggravating man-- I mean ghost."

"Well I was an aggravating man first." he replied, trying not to get caught up in her contagious laughter and failing miserably.

"I don't have anything against romance and love." She picked up her thought. "It's Valentine's Day I don't like. It's, well it's like blackmail. See how much I love you, I gave you a big box of candy, do you love me now?"

She stopped walking and turned to face him. "It would be like if I said Daniel Gregg I love you more than anything and I can't live another minute without you, you are the one I've been waiting for and here's some candy and and pre-printed card to prove it."

Suddenly she realized what he had said and how easily it had slipped out. She had never called him Daniel outloud before and she liked the feeling of it, but why had she done it? She felt her face turn red and  
quickly turned from his view, feigning interest in a seagull.

"We've gone too far, haven't we.?" he asked softly. "We've gone out too far from shore to go back."

She nodded, trying not to look at him, but she couldn't stop her head from turning. His eyes met hers and they both shivered.

"So." he blustered trying to shake them from their mood. "I'm worth a big box of candy eh?"

"Well probably not a five pounder." she found her voice and played along with him. She was feeling better now, and her cheeks felt normal again.

"I see your point Madam, I really do. But what if you have trouble saying how you feel? Would it not be better to go that route than not at all?"

Carolyn looked at the price on the baseball glove wondering if she could let herself spend the money. Jonathan had outgrown his other one and he could stand a new one. She always bought presents for the children for Valentine's Day, feeling they were more personal than the usual fare.

She had already picked up Martha's red food coloring and a little book that she was sure the housekeeper would enjoy. For Candy she had bought a beautiful necklace with a gold-plated C hanging from the chain. Taking a deep breath she looked at the price tag one more time and then put the glove in her shopping basket. Yes she would get it for him.

As she walked up towards the counter a card caught her eye. It was red and had the words **WHEN**? written in white across the top. Out of curiosity she picked it up and read the lines printed underneath the heading.

_I walk into a room and know that you're there before I see you.  
I see the sparkle in your eye and know we are sharing a joke just between us.  
The thought of you comes to my mind and makes me weary day brighter.  
I can't remember what time was like before you.  
That's when I know... _

She opened the card slowly knowing what the words would say before she read them.

_That you are the best thing in my life  
Happy Valentine's Day. _

Quickly she put the card back down and started to walk away. It was too personal. She could never give the Captain a card like that. He would misunderstand and maybe even become angry with her.

The memory of their walk on the beach came back to her and the look in his eyes when she had made her terrible blunder made her go back and pick the card up once more. Reading it over several more times, she  
ignored her brain yelling no and placed it in the basket with her other things.

Captain Gregg found Carolyn out by the ship's wheel on a the sunny Valentine's Day. He watched her for few moments as she leaned against the railing,enjoying the sun highlighting her golden hair. Rubbing his hands together in deep thought he picked up the Sailor's Valentine from the desk where he had placed it and walked out next to her.

She smiled when she saw him, a happy, contented smile.

"Nice day for February." she greeted him. "We could get spoiled with weather this warm this soon."

"Indeed we could." he agreed, watching her hair as it danced against her face with the help of the breeze.

"Captain I have something to give you." she turned to face him. "I know I've made a big deal about today and have been most adamant in why I don't like the day, but I, well you said you had never received an actual Valentine and I saw this one and I, well, I, I wanted you to have it."

He took the envelope from her hand, noticing his name written in clear script across the front. Gingerly he opened the flap and pulled the card out. He noticed she watched him as he read it, her hands were trembling at her sides and he wished he could hold them in his own.

He opened the card and read the inside and saw her name signed below the greeting and he touched the signature with reverence.

"It is truly the best Valentine I have ever received." he found his voice. "The only one to be sure, but it would still be the best one because it came from you" his gaze warming her heart and her face.

He extended his wooden box to her with a hand that wasn't quite steady. "Here is your Valentine from me."

He watched as she opened the latch and gasped at the shell inlaid pictures. "Never to be forgotten." She read the sentiment outloud.

"Captain this is beautiful. Are you sure you wish for me to have it?"

"Yes of course M'dear. I guess you could say that it was bought for you, since I never could find a good reason for having it. It is my way of saying thank you for being here--with me. "Happy Valentine's Day."

She looked from the box to the face of the one she had learned to care for more than any other and then down to the card he held tight against his chest. No, she hadn't changed her mind about today, it was still  
commercial and non-personal and a bad excuse for a holiday but something was different.

"Happy Valentine's Day--Daniel."


End file.
